Turnabout Neighbors
by Ruune
Summary: After the events of "Good Neighbors", things take a turn for the worse. Squidward decides to kill Patrick and turn himself in... but will he get to pull off the crime?


Turnabout Neighbors

It was a Saturday like no other. In Bikini Bottom, the events that had occurred in the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Good Neighbors" had forced Squidward Tentacles to do community service alongside Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star, his neighbors, who had stuck to him like duct tape for countless years. The week before this story begin, Squidward had successfully pleaded for the town to let him do his community service on Saturdays instead of Sundays after learning that Mr. Eugene Krabs - the CEO of the Krusty Krab - had decided to close the Krusty Krab on Saturdays, due to a lack of customers on Saturdays.

Squidward had thought that he had managed to get away from Spongebob and Patrick, who had irritated him Sunday after Sunday with what he considered unintelligible babbling that they would not explain to him, since they thought he already knew, despite his lack of interest. However, the next day, Spongebob and Patrick had learned about Squidward's day shift, and pleaded to have their community service changed to Saturdays so they could be with Squidward. When Squidward learned about this, he was infuriated... at least until he found out that their pleas had been rejected.

The moment he found out that the request had been denied, he wiped the sweat from his forehead, said "Whew..." under his breath, and continued his work. After all, it was a Saturday, and he had always wanted to be away from the two. His previous attempt to move away before he had installed the security system that would land him in a lifetime of Saturday community service was only a temporary success; then it collapsed as if someone had suddenly point-blanked his dreams with a sniper rifle, and he was forced to move back to the town that would soon hate him for his actions.

The next thing he knew, it was 8 PM, his time for the day had been completed, and he could go back to his house to relax. He knew that he would have to do more community service next week, at the same time, and that he would have to go back to work on Monday, so he started to plan his Sunday for a Spongebob- and Patrick-free day. What he didn't know was that tomorrow, things would take a horrible turn for the worse.

First, Spongebob and Patrick had been assigned to clean up the neighborhood containing Squidward's house. This meant the racket would be heard by Squidward's ears, spoiling his plans of being away from the two. Second, the two had appealed again to change their community service day to Saturday because they had missed Squidward; this time, they succeeded. This meant that Squidward would have to deal with the two for an additional day than necessary. Third, Mr. Krabs noticed that there was an opportunity to score thousands of dollars on Sundays, so he extended the workweek to include Sundays, eliminating Squidward's chances of having his Sunday break, and forcing him to deal with eight more hours of Spongebob. Finally, Mr. Krabs had also noticed the new trend of delaying dinner an additional hour, and extended the workday by an hour; this meant six more hours of Spongebob's irritating babble. The changes would take effect, starting on the next Saturday/Sunday, meaning that Squidward had one week to change his plans.

He needed not to get used to Spongebob and Patrick bugging him over longer time periods, he thought to himself. He needed to get away from them, or to get rid of one - or both, if absolutely necessary - of them. The question was, how would he manage it? The answer - right or wrong, he wasn't sure - came to him like a trash bag.

Murder.

He would have to kill Patrick. His original thought was to kill Spongebob, but it wouldn't be possible - he would make more foes than by killing the stupid one, Patrick. He also needed to plan the murder so it wouldn't interfere with his schedule. Then again, if he was caught, he wouldn't have to deal with Spongebob ever again, dead or alive.

"Yes," he said in his bed that Sunday night, his last day of relaxation. "I'll kill Patrick, then turn myself in. That way, both of those nuisances will be out of my way forever."

The next day, his alarm clock woke him up, as usual. Something seemed odd, though, about the clock. As if it had started to run out of power. "That doesn't make sense," said Squidward. "I replaced the batteries yesterday."

All of a sudden, Spongebob popped out of his dresser-drawer with a "Hi there, Squidward!" shocking Squidward, and said "Oh, that was me. I thought your clock could use a battery replacement, so I replaced the batteries while you weren't looking."

Squidward slapped himself in the head with his right tentacle, then pointed it at Spongebob, shouting out "You IDIOT!! I changed the batteries before I went to bed!! If you wanted to help, you should stay away from me as much as possible! I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!!"

Spongebob hung his head in shame. "B-b-but... Squidward--"

Squidward interrupted Spongebob with a sharp "OUT!!", grabbed him, and tossed him out of his house through the window he had left open last night. He then grumbled to himself, wondering about what would happen over this next week. He had no idea how he would kill Patrick, but it would come to him soon enough. He also put on his Krusty Krab uniform, now grumbling about what the workday would bring this time.

Once he stepped into his living room, he noticed that his waterbike was gone. He stopped himself from shouting out "SPONGEBOB!!" by carefully considering why a good neighbor would resort to stealing from him, and coming up with a blank. The next thing he knew, he had stepped out of his house and to his shock, he noticed that his waterbike had been parked right in front of the house. This wasn't where he had it parked - last night, it had been in his living room. This time, there was nothing to keep him from shouting out "SPONGEBOB!!"

He grumbled to himself during his ride to the Krusty Krab, perfectly aware of the fact that for the next eight hours, he wouldn't be able to rant at Spongebob, lest he be fired for harassment. Then again, it didn't matter - by next Monday, he thought, he would land himself in jail for murder... to get himself away from "that yellow annoyance".

When he reached the Krusty Krab, he saw Mr. Krabs and Spongebob at the front door. Mr. Krabs had been unlocking the store when Squidward had arrived. Then came the new; Mr. Krabs announced that the changes scheduled for Sunday would instead would start today. Squidward couldn't take it anymore. He shouted out "OH MY GOD!! My life is just getting worse and worse!! First, my plan to get away from Spongebob and Squidward on Saturdays and Sundays is negated by them moving to Saturday, then you add Sundays to the work schedule, and now instead of eight hours of Spongebob's racket, I have to deal with nine hours a day, **six days a week, A WEEK EARLY?!** WHO IS BEHIND THIS MADNESS?!"

Spongebob couldn't help but ask why Squidward had wanted to get away from Spongebob and Patrick. Asking this question gave Squidward more of a reason to vent his frustration, as he shouted "I'LL YELL YOU WHY, YOU MISERABLE YELLOW BRAT!! You and Patrick are so annoying that I'm ready to resort to murder to get away from you and your equally annoying friend Patrick!!" He cut off his rant when he realized that he had just spoiled the fact that he was ready to kill one of the two.

It was too late. Spongebob jumped back in fear. "KILL ME?!", he shouted out. "But... why would you have to kill me?"

Squidward decided to play on Spongebob's fear, to hide his plan to instead kill Patrick. "I have to deal with you more than your stupid pink friend", he said in a manner that looked like he had already calmed down.

Mr. Krabs dropped his key, having already unlocked the door during Squidward's explanation, and with a dropped jaw, he turned towards Squidward. "Spongebob is so annoying ye would kill him?"

Squidward gave Mr. Krabs a haven't-you-figured-it-out-yet look and said "You should know by now that I've been complaining about Spongebob almost every workday since you hired him, because every time, you laugh at me and say there's nothing wrong about him just because he's a fry cook and I'm not." He pointed at Spongebob. "If you would at least listen to me for once, you would know by now that for countless years, he has been RUINING MY LIFE!!"

Mr. Krabs slowly repeated himself, with fear. Squidward fell down anime style. After he got up, he pointed not at Spongebob, but at Mr. Krabs, saying "You can't save him. You could've if you had listened, even if it were only last Friday! But no... all you care about is money. You would kill yourself if you had to pay for a defense attorney to defend me after I commit the murder. Either that, or..." Squidward lowered his hand. "...you would let me go to jail for the rest of my life. Either way, Spongebob will be dead. I will not have to deal with him anymore. So what are you going to try to do about it?"

Now it was Mr. Krabs's turn to fall down anime style. After he got up, he gave Squidward a stony glare and said "Dis is what ye would do to rid yerself of someone. Why don't ye just quit yer job instead?"

Squidward countered with his own stony glare and said "I would still be aggravated Saturday after Saturday... by PATRICK!!"

Spongebob had no idea that he was right next to a window of the Krusty Krab, so when he jumped backwards, he slammed himself into a window with a sharp "OOF!!" and fell to the floor. He picked himself halfway up, lifted a hand towards Squidward, and said "B-b-but Squidward! You can't do this! What would I do without you?!"

Squidward knocked Spongebob's hand away, saying that he had never cared for Spongebob before, and wasn't about to turn over a new leaf. "If anything," he added, pointing a tentacle at Spongebob, "you should be the one turning over a new leaf!"

At this point, Spongebob started to cry. "Now look what you've done!!" said Mr. Krabs, pointing a claw at Spongebob, and breaking his stony glare on Squidward. "Ye've made the young lad cry! Now how is he supposed to concentrate on making me a wheelbarrow of money?" Squidward slapped himself in the head.

"You always were greedy, you still are greedy, and if things will continue to go this way, there will be no end to your greed", said Squidward. "How much lower will you go before I kill Spongebob?"

Mr. Krabs continued his stony glare at Squidward. "I am how I want to be", he said, "and that is to be of no concern to ye. Understand?"

Mr. Krabs then turned towards Spongebob... or where Spongebob was before walking into the restaurant and starting up the grill. Mr. Krabs could tell the grill was on because he was smelling Krabby Patties. Apparently, Spongebob had decided that Squidward isn't the kind of person to kill someone, that he was joking, and that he should just ignore the whole situation and get to work. Mr. Krabs gave a deep sigh. "Things are sure going to be different without the two of ye," he said glumly to Squidward without turning around. "Ye two have been so loyal to me, and ye're planning on taking it all away from me. Who's going to work for me restaurant once ye two are gone?"

Squidward boldly stated "It is up to you to decide who the new Krusty Krew would be".

Mr. Krabs hung his head low, in shame. "I guess there's no avoiding me restaurant's fate..." he said, after a pause. "...but maybe I can save the two of ye before the murder has to happen at all--"

Squidward interrupted Mr. Krabs, shouting out "Did I say he still had a chance? No. You can't save him! You could've if you had listened, even if it were only last Friday!!"

Mr. Krabs gave Squidward another stony glare. "If ye think I'm going to stand idle and let me workers kill each other over dis situation, ye're wrong. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure me main lad is still alive at the end of the week."

"Fair enough," said Squidward, simply. "You won't win, though. I'm more clever than you think I am."

Mr. Krabs squinted at Squidward, keeping his glare. "We'll see about that," he said.

Squidward made no attempt at Spongebob's or Patrick's lives during this last week. Then, he boldly announced on Friday that the murder would occur on Saturday, after the community service.

On said Saturday, Mr. Krabs called the Bikini Bottom mayor, warning him to keep an eye on Squidward, since he had announced that at night, Squidward would make an attempt at Spongebob's life. The immediate reaction was a call by hand-held radio to Squidward's squadron, which obviously consisted of Spongebob, Patrick, and him, warning him that the cops would have Spongebob's house guarded to avoid the planned murder. _Perfect,_ Squidward thought. _Every piece is coming together. Spongebob was already safe, but to keep them out of my way when I kill Patrick... yes. That was the first phase of my brilliant plan. Now Patrick's totally unguarded. Killing him will be a piece of cake._

All of a sudden, Patrick pointed out that Squidward, in his chain of thought, had almost fallen off a cliff in the canyon they were supposed to clean up. "It would've been really tragic to lose you," he said.

"Oh, um, uh... Th-th-thanks," Squidward stuttered when he realized he was one step away from death.

Then it hit him. Why kill Patrick when he could jump off the cliff and die? ...because he would end up in Davy Jones' Locker, that's why. The suicide plan was scrapped in record time. Squidward walked away from the cliff and went back to picking up the trash in the canyon. Surprisingly, though, Spongebob started to walk up to the cliff, asking himself whether it would be better to jump to his death or let Squidward risk his life for Spongebob's. Squidward asked Patrick to talk him out of it. He did, and Spongebob stepped away.

Finally, at the end of the "workday", Squidward expected to be released to his house to get ready for work tomorrow. Instead, however, they told him to continue his service as the other two could leave. Squidward objected, stating that conspiracy wasn't a crime; the action itself was. The mayor bluntly said "And if we can prevent said action, we will," giving Squidward the choice between supervised community service, and being sent to jail immediately.

Squidward instead decided to test the Mayor's patience. "And what if I'm bluffing about the whole thing, which I could be doing so, since only a fool would announce when he would commit the murder?"

The Mayor stood there, puzzled. "A bluff, you say?", he asked. His expression changed almost immediately. "The problem with your reasoning, though, is that it's only a chance, not a guarantee. What if you really are going to try to kill your neighbor?"

Mr. Krabs suddenly showed up, saying that neither of the Mayor's choices would be necessary. It turned out that he had grown nervous and never hung up after warning the Mayor, so he heard the call to the cops.

The Mayor started to question the situation. "You're right," he finally said. "I already have the cops there. I shouldn't have to also jail you, or have you supervised. Alright, Squidward... you're free to go. I'm warning you, though... it would be very unwise to attempt your murder. You might find yourself dead."

_Thank you, Mr. Krabs,_ Squidward thought as he walked to his house. _Now there's absolutely nothing to get in my way when I go to kill Patrick._

When the clock read 11:11 PM, Squidward decided it was time to act. _Yes,_ he thought, _now is the time to remove Patrick from this pitiful world._

Squidward figured the cops would be around his door, so he took a look outside of a window, and saw the cops were still guarding Spongebob's house. At Patrick's rock, there was nobody in sight. The bluff had worked. Nobody would stop Squidward from murdering Patrick.

Squidward had earlier decided that he would hide a pocketknife in his mouth. He then revised his plan, hiding it in a Krabby Patty that he bought directly from Spongebob to "give to Patrick, since he looked like he was a bit hungry." _Yes,_ Squidward thought when he had stuffed the pocketknife in the Krabby Patty, _it was a perfect fit, and a good mask for my plan._

He walked out of his house, and towards Patrick's rock, ready to explain that "Patrick always had a Krabby Patty at 11:15 PM, like a poorly-timed midnight snack, but forgot to get a spare yesterday". His alibi was unnecessary, since he met nobody on his way to the rock. He then proceeded to open a trapdoor into Patrick's underground home, careful enough to not let anybody in on his plan... except Spongebob.

Spongebob had developed a case of insomnia, expecting Squidward to somehow bypass the cops and go straight for him. He decided to look out his window, and was shocked to notice that Squidward wasn't in his house. The only question was... "If he's not going for my house, where _is_ he going?"

Then it struck him. No, it was not Squidward's pocketknife. It was the sudden thought that Squidward had been bluffing. Spongebob was not meant to be the victim. "But then... who would he kill... ?"

Finally, he realized the cold truth. "Patrick," he said. "He's going after Patrick... not me. I've gotta let them know." He ran to his door, only to discover that the cops had bolted it shut to keep Squidward out. He then tried to open his window, but that was bolted shut too. "How am I supposed to let them know?!"

He wasn't. Squidward had already entered Patrick's underground home, through the cleverly hidden trapdoor. At the moment Squidward pulled the Krabby Patty out of his shirt pocket, Patrick woke up.

"What in the... Who's there... AAH! Someone's trying to steal my Krabby Patty!!", Patrick shouted out, after noticing Squidward with the Krabby Patty.

Squidward was shocked. He expected Patrick to not recognize him. "How could I be stealing it if you never bought it in the first place?!" he asked the enraged Patrick.

It worked. He calmed down immediately. "Oh. I forgot," he said. "Barnacles! I always forget on Saturdays!"

"The Krusty Krab isn't open on Saturdays," Squidward said, with a frown.

"Oh," said Patrick. "So you decided you'd give me one? Gee, thanks!"

Patrick reached out for the Krabby Patty with both hands. Squidward stepped back, his angry look rapidly turning into a shocked look. "Hang on a second," he said. "I need to get something out of here. I forgot that Spongebob had been a bit clumsy and dropped a pocketknife in here."

"Why would Spongebob need a pocketknife?" asked Patrick.

"To cut open the boxes that store whatever he might use to make a Krabby Patty," said Squidward, certain that his reaction time was perfect, as to mask the fact that it was _his_ pocketknife, and the weapon with which to kill Patrick.

Squidward pulled off the top bun on the burger, revealing the pocketknife. He pulled it out, then gave the burger to Patrick.

"Gee, thanks!" said Patrick, as he gobbled up the Krabby Patty.

"Sure, no problem," said Squidward. "Now would you like to do me a favor?"

"Not a problem," said Patrick. "What is it?"

Now was the time. The perfect moment to stab Patrick. Simultaneously, he locked the knife into place, and shouted out "DIE!!".

The next moment, Patrick screamed as he was stabbed in the heart, and fell to the floor, short of breath, and tired from having interrupted his sleep to grab his mistimed midnight snack. He was dead within seconds.

"That was smooth," said Squidward to himself, as he pulled the pocketknife out of Patrick's body, then thought about why a murderer would keep the weapon after the job was done, and stuck it to the bottom of Patrick's bed. He then got out of Patrick's house, deciding he'd let the cops find out for themselves what he had done. Once inside his own house, he got in his own bed, and fell into a peaceful slumber.

When he awoke, he was still in his bed. It was Monday, and his alarm clock had gone off, thanks to the battery replacement that Squidward had made the previous day. He got out of his bed, walked up to his window, and took a look at Spongebob's pineapple house. It was still there, and so was Spongebob. He was still alive.

Squidward rode off to the Krusty Krab alone. A minute later, the police escorted Spongebob to the Krusty Krab.

When Squidward and Spongebob got to the Krusty Krab at exactly the same moment, Mr. Krabs was standing at the door with a victorious grin. He eyed Squidward, then asked what had caused him to not go after Spongebob last night.

"I told you I was more clever than you thought," said Squidward, with an equally victorious grin, and a victory pose. "Spongebob was the one who came to the conclusion that he was my target. What a fool."

Mr. Krabs's victorious grin was broken up by a look of shock. "What?!" he asked.

"You really thought I was going to kill Spongebob? ...nope. I figured I would make more enemies if I were to kill him... then if I were to instead introduce Patrick to his maker."

"I KNEW IT!!" shouted out Spongebob. "After I saw that you were outside of your house, but nowhere near mine, I knew you had lied to us, that you were after Patrick. The only problem was that the cops had gone a little too far when protecting me. If they hadn't bolted my door shut, I could've warned them before you pulled off the murder."

"Face it," said Squidward to Mr. Krabs. "You lose. I win. You may have Spongebob, but you lost the battle _and_ the war in one fell swoop!!"

Mr. Krabs's feet gave way, and he fell to the floor, back-first. "I thought I could save Spongebob, yet he was already safe... ye really thought this one out well... but ye didn't win the war. I'm going to have ye arrested fer killin' Spongebob's best friend, Patrick Star!"

"It's only too bad I intended to go to prison for the murder," said Squidward, boldly. "You see, Spongebob was more annoying, yet I knew you'd take these measures to stop me from killing him. So I figured I'd use it as a cover-up. I knew that to go after Spongebob would be to risk my life, and risk bring sent to Davy Jones' Locker... even if I hadn't announced the murder. I didn't want that. I'd rather have had life in prison."

A cop tackled Squidward and handcuffed him. "We'll take _that_ as a confession," he said, before tossing him into a police truck.

Once Squidward was thrown in jail, he had no way to find out what time it was... at least until Spongebob showed up one day, as a visitor. "Mr. Krabs said I should check up on you," he said. "Even though we feel bad about what you did. I mean, you were right about Mr. Krabs misunderstanding you all these years. We can see it now. I'll find a way to make it up to you... I'll be here every day, during my lunch break."

Squidward's voice rang out through the whole prison...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The End


End file.
